I imagine it’s likely that Rabbitpirate is even now putting the finishing touches on a significantly better article on this subject. But hey, I’m a Leaguer – it’s my oft-shirked duty to expose the belly-white viscera of religious arse wherever it may show.

I’d hoped that childishly ripping on Gabriele Amorth, Righteous Exorcist 1st Class Of The Holy Vatican, might be the last slur I cast in the direction of Catholicism. My hope was in vain.

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, second highest in the Vatican – sort of a third-hand God – has denied that enforced celibacy is behind child abuse in the Church. His alternative hypothesis is that homosexuality is to blame. Now, I would really like to be surprised at this point. It would mean that I still felt there was some distance left for the Vatican to fall, but considering their leader thinks homosexuality is objectively wrong – among many other equally jaw-dropping transgressions of reason – surprise is nowhere to be found. Merely a weary resignation. I imagine I would feel the same had I a young offspring to whose tireless destruction I returned every evening. You just go with it.

‘ . . . many [psychologists and psychiatrists] have demonstrated, and have told me recently, that there is a link between homosexuality and paedophilia. This is true, this is the problem,’ said Bertone. Wouldn’t it be nice if, just once, a religious authority referred to peer-reviewed research and evidence after hurling such slurs? But let’s not forget that we’re dealing with an organisation grimly dedicated to avoiding responsibility. Blame the gays, because obviously they’re not right in the eyes of the Lord anyway. Or blame Satan. Anything rather than say “Yeah, a lot of our guys are partial to abusing and raping kids. We’re sorry about that and will be instituting rigorous strictures in the future. Also, here’s a shitload of compensation to make reparations. Additionally, we’re dissolving Catholicism because recent studies prove that it just doesn’t work.”

Such fun.