Often the hardest thing to do when you can see people suffering is to just get out of the way and let the experts do their job. Most of us, unless you’re a sociopath or Pat Robertson, see something like the earthquake in Haiti and want to help. The vast majority of us do this by giving money to worthy charities, relying on them to make sure the money goes where it is most needed, but for some this is not enough. They feel that they need to get out there, on the ground, and help directly. Or, at the very least, they want to make sure that the people in need get the things that they, the giver, thinks they need the most.

Now there is nothing wrong with this, in fact it is admirable, and in general the people who do go this extra mile are of great help and can save a lot of lives. Doctors, nurses, engineers, emergency workers, all these people are vital in an disaster situation. The more of them the better. Even people like plumbers and electricians are invaluable, as they can help to get desperately needed infrastructure back up and running. Also if you want to organise medical supplies, food and water, camping supplies, toiletries and other essentials and send them directly then that can only help as well. As I said there is nothing wrong with any of this and if fact this kind of response will mean the difference between life and death for many.

But if you are not one of these people or the things you are sending are not in immediate demand then I think the best thing you can do is stay out of the way and let the people who can help do their job. For example, as PZ Myers mentioned today, right now Haiti does not need a contingent of Scientologists flying in to administer “touch assists”, which just sounds a bit pervy to me, or to draw the victims attention to the things around them. These things do not help and when access to the situation is both difficult and limited it means that for every, undoubtedly well meaning, Scientologist that flies in, some where there is a doctor or emergency worker left on the tarmac.

But then even a Scientologist can bring someone a hot meal or a blanket and bodies on the ground are bodies on the ground. As such this doesn’t bother me as much as the people sending solar powered Bibles in the place of medical supplies. I mean seriously what on earth are they meant to do with these things? I suppose the solar cells could be take apart and used to power something useful but other than that I am sure that right now the people of Haiti don’t need instructions on the correct way to murder disobedient children or the best way to con someone out of some goats.

You’ve probably seen this story else where by now but it is simply too amusing to let pass without comment. In the UK Church of England priest Tim Jones has been instructing his congregation to shop lift.

Speaking to his congregation on Sunday, Father Jones said: “My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift.”

Well most Christians already ignore the 4th commandment so why not just throw out the 8th as well. Now before you worry that following such advice isn’t exactly going to benefit your local community Father Jones is quick to place restrictions on his criminal instruction.

“I would ask that they do not steal from small, family businesses, but from national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.”

Ah, well as long as you are only stealing from places that can afford it then I guess it is all alright then. But of course Father Jones is quick to point out that his advice is not for everyone.

“When people are released from prison, or find themselves suddenly without work or family support, then to leave them for weeks and weeks with inadequate or clumsy social support is monumental, catastrophic folly.

“We create a situation which leaves some people little option but crime.”

Well ok, I have to give him that one. If you’ve just gotten out of prison and are having problems making end meets, can’t afford food and lodgings then, yes, shop lifting is the way to go. In no time flat you will find yourself back in a warm room with three square meals a day completely free of charge, and probably access to a pool table and a flat screen television as well. Just don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon.

I have to say I am not really that surprised by all this. I mean look at the guy, he just looks dodgy. Are we even sure this guy is a real priest? Seriously how do you think this idea came to him? Going by where most of the crazy ideas in the Bible came from I’m guessing it came to him in a dream. He probably dreamt that he and God were walking round Tesco when God nudges him and in a whisper says “See the toaster, stick it under your jumper.”

The only thing that would make this story better would be if he had been a Catholic priest, sitting on a golden thrown throne in his palace, informing this congregation that they only way the Church can help them in their plight is to offer advice on shop lifting. Best priest/shop lifting related comment wins a prize…well, ok no it won’t but we can pretend.