First off, I want to take this opportunity to say how deeply inconvenienced I am to be blogging here on the website of the League of Reason, a league which, as many of you know, is surpassed in importance only by the Canadian military. I came to this website in the late twelfth century. It’s a funny story: a Papal schism was underway, a civil war in England, Lincoln had just been assassinated, hip hop culture was on the rise, and I was working in Texarkana with Sitting Bull as an itinerate holy man. I specialized in throwing feathers at sick people, speaking to the spirits of woodland animals, and combinatorial number theory. We would sit outside liquor stores, casting spells on people, and about one in twenty would gives some money — some pretty dark magic! After a few hours, we would have enough money to buy some food, which we would sell for money to buy alcohol. The alcohol, of course, was for medicinal purposes and before long, we would be cured of lucidity. It was somewhere precisely between early March, 1154 and June, 1159 that I found God. He touched me deeply and drove a used Jetta that he stole from an orphanage. And sometimes God would touch me deeply on a credenza that he built out of a door and some cinder blocks. And that’s when I found the League of Reason.
At the time, the League of Reason was living in Port Author. We dated for a few months. The League of Reason was kinky, to say the least, but it makes for good stories while sipping Chablis on a hot Louisiana morning with the guys. In the end, we broke up. I got the house in Marblehead and the League of Reason got this website, which is why it’s so surprising to be so graciously invited back. The League of Reason and I had dinner a few nights ago. We split a Caesar salad and talked about the old times. The League of Reason still looks young and I was tempted to make a move, but I’ve decided to keep it professional… for now.
For the record, my name is Theo Warner — that is actually my name and it wasn’t until someone pointed out that it almost sounds like an admonition against God that I’ve felt the need to say: “that is actually my name.” But, it is. I am professionally employed as a Special Education teacher and my degree and certification qualifies me to speak competently as an expert in a variety of fields, none of which are of any interest to anyone who isn’t the parent of a child with a disability. Prior to this and after college, I worked in advertising and publishing while I worked out my life and my career ambitions. And now, for the most part, my free time in consumed with creative writing (poetry, short stories, and novels… which I should take more seriously, I feel) and general thinking about the world (philosophy, religion, theology, literature, linguistics, cultural studies, modern cultural theory, gender theory, education theory, psychology, and so on.) I like books, too. I want to sleep in a bookstore, just to see if it feels good.
Most of you are probably aware of my YouTube channel. It’s pretty big stuff and I’m kind of a big deal. I mean, basically, people cower of the mere mention of my name. I routinely point out how deplorable some of the more legendary YouTubers are… JezuzFreek777 comes to mind. VenomFangX is another. There are others. In the war between us and our worser demons, YouTube is just another battle ground. We didn’t seek it out, but it comes under threat and I’m glad to be there on the front lines. I look about this blog as an extension of that effort. I hope that I can use these posts as a way to solidify my thoughts and have a little fun.
Your servant,
Theo